Lean Bodies - Noel Clark

That is the only thing that can explain the way I feel sometimes about Competing.  So I have been back to the gym all of 2 times :)  It has felt good and I have been pretty strong.  But now I am starting to focus on the goal…North Americans on Septmeber 1.  Now this show is just under 10 weeks away.  I am on maintenance for one more week and then I am going to start the dieting phase.  So that gives me basically 8 weeks of dieting and 1 week of show prep…(see this is what I do when I am not sleeping…overthink EVERYTHING)  So as I am in the gym feeling good because I don’t feel depleted or weak, I look in the mirror and realize that oh man, I must have eaten a ton this past week.  You know how Erik always tells everyone that after a show, competitors are primed for fat gain…HELLO—did I listen, um no.  So I feel this wave of panic come over me, like oh no, there is no way that I am going to be able to get that ultra lean look that I am after for this next show in time.  So after talking myself off the cliff :)  I just finished my workout and came home. I proceed to explain to my husband how it is entirely not possible for me to be ready…and he is trying to be understanding and nice and supportive but he is sitting there looking at me like this (yes, Ron, you can just skip this blog entry–you hear the same stuff )  Now this is where he says, do you not think Erik can get you where you need to be and I just look at him like this   So then he says…well, then what is the problem…and i know that this is way too much info for anyone, but I am going to say it anyway…I just grabbed all the fat i could in my hands and said “THIS! THIS IS THE PROBLEM!” I know this makes no sense to some and complete sense to others..or maybe just ALI.

 Ok, I am better now.

Ok so I emailed Erik this morning with a confessional of sorts.  So I am going to share it here.  Again these aren’t fun things for me to share or talk about but I am hoping that it is at least a tiny bit helpful to someone :)  As some of you know I have been dieting and prepping for shows since January.  That is 6months with really no break.  The last break I was suppose to take was right after Jr USAs and freaked out on Erik and ended up not really doing it.  So about three weeks out from Jr Nationals…I tried hard to amp up for my workouts and talk myself into being psyched for the training and the diet.  It just wasn’t happening.  I was spent.  I hated the gym.  I complied but hated it.  I was happy with my confidence and my posing was better at Jr Nationals…but I know that I can get my body better.  I just think my heart wasn’t in it at that point.  So now that show is over and Erik says….take a week off from the gym….here are some macros to go by..just do what you want.  Meaning go to the gym or don’t …go running like you always want to and can’t.  I thought..yeah right. I am sooooo going to the gym. lololol.  Monday post comp comes and I have no interest in going to the gym.  I end up going but only to ride the bike and read.  It was great.  Same thing Tuesday and Wednesday too……No lifting, nothing strenuous…no HIIT no nothing.  Thursday and Friday look the same.  I am going to go for a nice long run today and tomorrow too.  BUT NO LIFTING. It feels AWESOME.  usually when I do something like this I tend to feel guilty.  But I don’t now.  It is really been a much needed break.  Now for the bad part –my diet has been Absolutely atrocious.  I told Erik and he says…so you haven’t been structured…do you really think that you have been eating at maintenance?  i wish someone was sitting next to me when I got that email back.  I busted out laughing because I am thinking…maintenance…holy cow….i think probably over maintenance.  But again, while I was doing this…it wasn’t like binging.  I would eat great during the day and then eat whatever I felt like at night…but what I felt like eating was SUPER SUPER BAD.  As Erik says–calorically dense food..uh yep…that is a very nice way to put it Lets see, I have had candy, then some candy, and then a little bit of candy LOL  I had baked chips and even pizza–which I don’t even really like (right now I am getting smacked by Erik).  I never felt bad though and that would have been the case before…that is what would prevent me from doing it…that whole guilt feeling.  Well, I woke up this morning feeling GROSS.  That is what prompted the email to Erik.  The first thing I say to him is “DO NOT ASK ME TO WEIGH MYSELF BECAUSE I WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DO IT!!!”  but I just felt I needed to clue him in on what i had been feeling and doing to myself lol.  I think from here we will start back at the gym on Monday…which i can’t tell you how jacked I am to go back, full tilt.  I will probably be on Maintenance for one more week and then Erik and I are going to get me L-E-A-N.  You guys will see a huge change.  I am going to go into this last National show with a different attitude altogether.  I feel good.  And more importantly I feel ready.  It is nice to feel this way again.  Wish me luck!!!!

Wow what a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG weekend.  I am still trying to catch up from being gone. 

Well, I arrived on Wednesday morning with Cindy, and Ileen from leanbodiesfitness.com.  We met up with Erik at the airport and headed to the hotel.  We kinda just hung out that day.  I think I scared Erik a bit because I seem to be holding quite a bit of water at that point.  lol.  It seemed Thursday was the day a ton of others arrived and I met up with Ali and Laura and got a chance to finally meet Neely!!!  We headed to the competitor’s meeting where I got the lovely news that I had apparently shrunk…again…LOL and that my height class was the largest…about 40 girls.  :(  I was much more prepared this time around than I was at Jr USAs.  (I wasn’t expecting a high placing)  Then that evening the FAT LOAD began…oh man, I didn’t think i could eat a steak that fast.  I was so hungry.  I also had my first of 3 photoshoots that afternoon.  That was interesting…especially with all of those HUGANTIC BUGS…man, they were the size of small birds LOL.  Friday was just a normal day of show prep.  I will say that standing out on that stage was extremely difficult.  You think that it wouldn’t be that hard, but holding those poses that long and trying to stay that tight…was HARD.   Call outs were about what I expected…hey, at least I didn’t go last like I did at Jr Usas.  Of course being competitive, I was disappointed but i took it better this time around.  Saturday morning was the repeat of Friday night only in a two piece!!!  Saturday night..well, the only thing good about that was the fact that I had soooo many incredible people there to support me.  I can’t begin to tell you guys how awesome it was to have so many cheers from the audience.  Really, awesome.  The fun was afterward.  I enjoyed meeting up with people that I had only spoken to online and putting faces with names. By the time I went to bed, roughly around 4:00 am, I had to be back out of bed by 6 to get ready for a photoshoot.  I WAS SO TIRED.  The shoot went really well.  I met with Joe from HDPhysique.com  He was a really great guy and a lot of fun….made it a lot easier.  I did get the opportunity to meet John Stutz during that photoshoot and was very excited.  I am a huge fan of his work and he asked for my info…so now…just crossing my fingers.  After that I visited with Erik a bit before he left for his plane and then had one more Photoshoot and then I had the chance to spend time with a few more members from the forum.  I think I got the least amount of sleep in those few days then I had in a while….by the time I arrived home at around 10:30 pm….I was spent!!!

Erik has told me to take the week off from lifting and to go to maintenance. (You all know how much i hate that)  But I am doing as I should and am going to be back in the gym on Monday.  Our next goal is North Americans and Erik and I have decided to come into this show as lean as ever!!!  We got a few comments from some judges and think this maybe the best route to take.  I seem to have put some size back on my legs.  (stupid legs LOL)  So I am sure we will be trying to strip that back down again.  I am actually excited about this.  I didn’t feel that way about heading into Jr Nationals.  Maybe it was just  coming off  Jr. USAs, but i am ready again to train hard and CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE.  I also might get a chance to compete with Jen…that would be great.

Unfortunately I didn’t take any pics while I was there….I left that to everyone else.  The comp pics are everywhere so I won’t be posting those in here…but here are a few of some of us after Saturday’s night show…

 Me and ALI

Ali, me and Cindy (notice cindy’s veins )

Not sure who this is but I thought it was a cute pic LOL  J/K  this is me and Blondell!!!

 There are a ton more pics but I haven’t downloaded them.  It was so much fun hanging out and I wanted to thank everyone again for supporting me.

And a special thank you to you Erik.  I know how hard you have worked in helping me change my body and prep me for these shows.  I know this last one will be my best…I just feel it. 

Another crazy day.

Stones on the one piece all finished up…i think I got the girls packed for their gammy’s house this week.  This is the longest that I have left them–pretty funny considering that they are 7 5  and 3!!  haha.  I also got most of my things packed.  The good thing about packing during the summer is that things don’t take up that much room!!  I got all my shopping as far as grocery shopping goes and only have a few minor errands to run tomorrow and then I need to get in the kitchen and get to cooking.  I have already asked my sister in law to come over to babysit ME while I cook.  That way I am not tempted to taste as I cook.  LOL  I need to practice more posing.  I think that I am coming into this show not quite as lean as the last which makes me a tad nervous…but we will see by friday.  I fly out EARLY wednesday morning and it is coming fast….. 

Well, today was PACKED.  I am exhausted.  Got up at about 5 to get ready to hit the gym.  Finished that and raced home to get everything (kidsincluded) ready so that I could leave for the Physique Critique with TY Felder, Georgia NPC President and NPC national judge.  Cindy met me up there at 9 a.m.  I was actually surprised, people had flown in from all over the US for this seminar.  Saw quite a few girls from Jr USAs.  They grouped all the girls doing Jr Nationals together and then put another group of girls that were competing later in the year in another group.  then there was a few women bodybuilders and 2 men body builders.  Tony Freeman even showed his face!  We did a ton ton ton of posing.  They had someone there typing out pretty much everything the judges had to say about you.  We all had to take out turn to do model turns, walking and 1/4 turns.  He flat out told you how it was….no holding back.  Told one girl she was too fat to compete on Friday, and told another that her suit would NOT work if she wanted to place….  Overall, it was a good experience.  I have never been to a posing clinic and this was really helpful.  I was surprised though because i posed BIG and they did not tell me to put my arms down…which is great.  I did change a few things and I am hoping that it will help.  We did a lot of comparison type rounds and it was great practice.  At the end of the day, each competitor went in front of the judges alone and they basically each told you your weakness and a few strengths lOL.  Mine were basically the same exact things that Erik and I have discussed working on…..more Hamstrings to balance out the quads, more chest and triceps.  They said posing was great and that suits were spot on.  (thank goodness, I just got those things lol) We talked a bit about Jr USAs:  Ty basically said that he didn’t even know I competed.  He said that a lot of girls get looked over…that was frustrating to hear.  I am hoping to maybe do some more posing through him.  All in all, it was a positive experience. 

After that i raced home and got all my clothes out that i needed to take for photo shoots and stuff.  Had Elizabeth come over and help with shoes and jewelry and just girl talk.  I want to be packed and ready to go by Monday so that i don’t have to stress.  I leave very early on Wednesday and have a lot to prepare for the girls.  CRAZY.  i still have a few more stones to put on my suit.  For some reason a few always ends up a few HUNDRED. 

Show prep really kicks off tomorrow…although the bathroom and i are best friends at this point….water water water. 

Wow–emotions all over the place here.  It is so odd. I go from feeling ready to feeling like I have no reason to be stepping on that stage.  I turned my biweekly in this morning and am heavier going into this show.  This of course plays with my mind.  My measurements are down and when I ask Erik to look hard at those pics he does say that my back has gotten a bit bigger, BUT my legs have too.  Then I read statements from Ali, Neely, and Patricia about how awesome they feel and how awesome they look and just kind of go UGH.  Not for them, because I am sooooo excited for them, but for me.  I want to feel ready, confident, and on track…..I do-then in the next second…I don’t.  I am hoping that once i am there, with everything going on, I can get my head straight. Here are a few pics from today:

Elizabeth went with me to the MAC store today.  That is always fun because I feel like such a lost puppy in there.  It turned out great though and I always learn something new!!

I am off to add some stones to my one piece and then get my nails done.

Tomorrow, Cindy and I are going to go to Ty Felder’s Physique Critique.  This is from 9-2 and has several IFBB judges there to help with posing and other things.  So I will report back tomorrow to tell everyone how that went.  It should be interesting to say the least.

I think that I just finished up the last ‘heavy’ lifting day before the show next week.  I have been pushing hard hard hard this last week or so.  Wanted to see some changes in myself because I figured since I haven’t felt really inspired about doing this show I needed to start acting that way and maybe it would change my mood.  I think it is working :)  I am seeing some positive changes.  Still a huge list to tackle before I go.  Got some sucky news yesterday, my sister-in-law (Hydrick) won’t be coming to Chicago.  Which really stinks.  She has been such a huge support to me throughout this whole process…never faultering and I will miss having her there.  But she is helping me with all the ‘extras’ that I am trying to take care of before I go and it will be so awesome to know that she will be checking in on my little munchkins while I am gone.  THANK YOU ELIZABETH!!  for everything. 

off to get some posing practice in, Jamison will be helping me LOLOLOLOL

After being on the forum…and everyone so excited about this Chicago trip and the count down….I started thinking of all the things that I had to do before I leave on Wednesday of next week.  OH MY!!!  I don’t feel ready.  And when I say that I mean with all the things that I need to get done before then.  I have to get all this stuff ready for photo shoots…the clothes, make-up, shoos, accessories; I have to go get my hair done, head to the MAC place(that i didn’t get done this past Saturday), add stones to my suit, do that posing clinic all day on Saturday, nails, practice posing in general, get my girls all packed and ready to stay at their Gammy’s house for 4 days and those of you with kids know what that is like, and on top of all that..take care of the day to day stuff of laundry, kids, cleaning, training, cooking, shopping….makes me want to just take a nap

For those of you who didn’t fall asleep reading that…haha, here is the funny comment from my three year old yesterday.  “Mommy, tell Mackenzie and Riley that I am the strongest in the family!!! “  Then she did this:

Off to start checking off that list  Sheesh.

Busy Saturday ahead….   Got back from the gym this morning…went and worked out at a new place.  Met a fellow leanbodiesfitness.com member (Heather-hsquared) at her gym to go over some of her lifts and make sure she had them down pat.  She was looking awesome i might add…nice changes in a very short period of time working with Erik.  (great job heather)  Then I got my cardio out of the way.  Today is the day after a refeed so i feel like I could run for days.  I worked really hard, pushed myself today though…feeling nasty.  I might be one of the few that actually hate refeeds.  The first meal or so is always awesome, but by the end of the day..I feel like YUCK.  Plus the next morning i always feel like such a cow.  LOL.  I think that I am finished with those suckers woohoo.  I wish that refeeds were really fat loads.  haahaha.  I like fat more than carbs.  Anyway, I am off today to go shopping AGAIN.  If any of you know me, I am not a huge shopper–finding clothes for me is a chore, but I need some more things for photoshoots.  I am also going to try to hit the MAC counter and see if they can give me some tips on make-up for a photoshoot….if only Neely were near…:)  Then I am probably going to meet up with some more LBFers for some nice social fun tonight.  Will be nice to just get away today. Have a great weekend everyone and thank you guys so much for all your support!!!

My numbers for my waist, bum, and Navel are all down BUT my legs are up just a bit.  Stupid legs..lol.  I am not going to even discuss weight…as Erik so sweetly tells me “GO READ THE WEIGHT RANT IN MY BLOG…THEN READ IT AGAIN” I think that he forgets that I am girl sometimes LOL  Just kidding Erik…  I have two weeks left to pull everything together.  Here are pics from this morning.